Another month is coming to a close. We’re almost halfway through the year. Time flies, rushing away behind us while always urging us to move forward. The sun chases the moon who laughs and dances behind the sun in a circle; something that has been happening since long before our little planet had any kind of life on it. Only humans have attempted to harness and control the phenomenon called Time. We have created calendars and clocks and schedules and so many others things in this effort. Animals watch us and laugh at us because to them, time isn’t a thing that matters. They live their lives from day to day, minute to minute, enjoying every bit of it without worrying about what the future will bring. In some ways, this is good and in some, bad – or so we are told by those who are supposedly “experts” in how to live life.
I’ve been thinking about time and the future some lately. I don’t have any sort of social life – my choice so don’t feel bad for me – but as time goes by, I’m beginning to feel the need again for companionship. I’m not looking for a boyfriend/man friend, whatever they are called for someone my age, but my co-workers who seem to think my social life(or lack thereof)is their business as wel as mine, seem to think I do.
Personally, I just want someone, or more than one since friends are more what I want, to do things with. I want to share things with someone. I want them to understand that my work schedule and my projects are very important and yet, I am willing to go do something on the spur of the moment if they just ask. I’m tired of thinking about going to a movie or something and then not going because I don’t want to go alone. If my son and his fiancee lived in town, I’d do things with them when our schedules work out. That’s a way to avoid being social on most levels though, or so I’m told.
At the urging of my well meaning co-workers, I got on a dating site. I put on there I’m just looking for friendship, not a relationship. I don’t need that kind of thing – not at this point in my life. I hate when it asks for pictures. I don’t like having my picture taken, and I don’t like how people choose their potential friends and partners based on looks – something we are all guilty of, even me. Still, I forced myself to take a picture of myself and posted it too. I have already received close to a dozen messages from male members of the site, and I’ve responded to several.
Does this make me happy? It scares me to be honest. Talking about myself has never been something I like to do. I am very private. I also don’t know what to say to sound interesting. I am honest and blunt, and this can be off putting. Do I pretend to be someone else just so someone will like me? Not a chance in hell. You either like me as I am or you can step off. I’ve worked too hard to become who I am today, and I’m not changing or pretending for anyone. I guess that’s why this attempt is scary. I’m afraid the men I’ll be talking to and eventually, meeting, will be frauds despite what they say about honesty. I’ve made a fool of myself too many times to feel comfortable with my own decision making where it comes to the opposite sex.
Still, I’m moving forward with this thing, as much as my job will allow. Speaking of which, I am supposed to finally take my test to get promoted to Trainer – if I pass. The manager wasn’t giving it to me before because there were no spots open for me to get promoted to. Now, there are. Wish me luck.
See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver! Impala!!