My life has been like a rushing river, throwing me all over the place, bashing me against obstacles and pushing me along before I can even catch my breath, much less get my bearings.
I was working at Taco Bell in Lufkin from February 2018 until September of the same year when I was asked to be the caregiver for a good friend of mine with terminal cancer. She didn’t want to go to a hospice, but she didn’t want a stranger living in her house either. So, with some experience caring for someone at the end of their life, I agreed. I quit my job, moved in with her and her hubby, and I took care of her 24/7 until she passed away in late August.
I have never sat vigil with someone who was passing away. My late aunt in law passed away in the hospital after I cared for her for the last six months of her life so, I wasn’t in the room during her final 24 hours. I sat with my friend, her husband and her best friend for her final hours. None of us, least of all her I’m sure, expected her to go so soon or so quickly. Even then, the hours seemed so long as we all sat with her. Her husband held her hand, and her best friend sat with him on her bed. I stayed on the couch and simply watched, the pain growing even as I tried to understand. It wasn’t until she was pronounced and the funeral home was called that her passing became more tangible. I had to leave the room and call my son – I needed to hear him and express my sorrow to someone who would be able to handle it. The others had enough pain of their own, they didn’t need mine. Even now, months later, I am still not sure it wasn’t a dream – a horrible nightmare. I just have to look at her Facebook page, now a memorial to her, to know it all happened. It doesn’t stop me from missing her…
I started work in October for a company called Super Bargain helping set up and stock the new store they were opening in the town over from where I was living. The store was open by Thanksgiving, and I was asked to move to Cleveland to work in the store there – the company owned three stores by then – while another store was being readied in Beaumont. I got a car, and I moved. I started work at the Beaumont store doing set up and stocking just before Christmas. I am still commuting back and forth six days a week. I am away from home for 14 hours a day. Three hours a day, I am either winding down for the night or I’m getting ready for the day – I take 1 1/2 hours in the morning and evening for this. I have one day off a week.
All of this leaves very little time for me to do anything and yet, I’ve decided I need to try. I am tired of not getting things done, of not enjoying my hobbies. My writing is falling behind as well though I must admit I am finding it hard to want to write. After all this time of trying and working, I’m not really seeing the point of continuing. Crimson Knight has been available in paperback since about 1999, and I have only sold one copy. That’s pretty pathetic. Please, don’t innudate me with marketing advice – I have plenty of that but very little of the very important component – ready cash. It takes money to make money after all….
I have tried finding someone to be with, to date. I had thought a former lover might be someone to be serious with, but despite his words to the contrary, his actions tell me he’s not interested. So, I guess I’ll try the dating sites again. I found him, maybe I’ll find someone else, someone who is interested in a relationship. We’ll see.
Anyway, you’re now caught up on my life, such as it is. I shall endeavor to write a bit more often, but you know how things are.
See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver – you never know what’s out there!