Update Jan. 17, 2019 – for lack of a better title…

My life has been like a rushing river, throwing me all over the place, bashing me against obstacles and pushing me along before I can even catch my breath, much less get my bearings.

I was working at Taco Bell in Lufkin from February 2018 until September of the same year when I was asked to be the caregiver for a good friend of mine with terminal cancer.   She didn’t want to go to a hospice, but she didn’t want a stranger living in her house either.  So, with some experience caring for someone at the end of their life, I agreed.  I quit my job, moved in with her and her hubby, and I took care of her 24/7 until she passed away in late August.

I have never sat vigil with someone who was passing away.  My late aunt in law passed away in the hospital after I cared for her for the last six months of her life so, I wasn’t in the room during her final 24 hours.  I sat with my friend, her husband and her best friend for her final hours.  None of us, least of all her I’m sure, expected her to go so soon or so quickly.  Even then, the hours seemed so long as we all sat with her.  Her husband held her hand, and her best friend sat with him on her bed.  I stayed on the couch and simply watched, the pain growing even as I tried to understand.  It wasn’t until she was pronounced and the funeral home was called that her passing became more tangible.  I had to leave the room and call my son – I needed to hear him and express my sorrow to someone who would be able to handle it.  The others had enough pain of their own, they didn’t need mine.  Even now, months later, I am still not sure it wasn’t a dream – a horrible nightmare.  I just have to look at her Facebook page, now a memorial to her, to know it all happened.  It doesn’t stop me from missing her…

I started work in October for a company called Super Bargain helping set up and stock the new store they were opening in the town over from where I was living.  The store was open by Thanksgiving, and I was asked to move to Cleveland to work in the store there – the company owned three stores by then – while another store was being readied in Beaumont.  I got a car, and I moved.  I started work at the Beaumont store doing set up and stocking just before Christmas.  I am still commuting back and forth six days a week.  I am away from home for 14 hours a day.  Three hours a day, I am either winding down for the night or I’m getting ready for the day – I take 1 1/2 hours in the morning and evening for this.  I have one day off a week.

All of this leaves very little time for me to do anything and yet, I’ve decided I need to try.  I am tired of not getting things done, of not enjoying my hobbies.  My writing is falling behind as well though I must admit I am finding it hard to want to write.  After all this time of trying and working, I’m not really seeing the point of continuing.  Crimson Knight has been available in paperback since about 1999, and I have only sold one copy.  That’s pretty pathetic.  Please, don’t innudate me with marketing advice – I have plenty of that but very little of the very important component – ready cash.  It takes money to make money after all….

I have tried finding someone to be with, to date.  I had thought a former lover might be someone to be serious with, but despite his words to the contrary, his actions tell me he’s not interested.  So, I guess I’ll try the dating sites again.  I found him, maybe I’ll find someone else, someone who is interested in a relationship.  We’ll see.

Anyway, you’re now caught up on my life, such as it is.  I shall endeavor to write a bit more often, but you know how things are.

See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver – you never know what’s out there!

Update – June 27, 2018

Another month is coming to a close.  We’re almost halfway through the year.  Time flies, rushing away behind us while always urging us to move forward.  The sun chases the moon who laughs and dances behind the sun in a circle; something that has been happening since long before our little planet had any kind of life on it.  Only humans have attempted to harness and control the phenomenon called Time.  We have created calendars and clocks and schedules and so many others things in this effort.  Animals watch us and laugh at us because to them, time isn’t a thing that matters.  They live their lives from day to day, minute to minute, enjoying every bit of it without worrying about what the future will bring.  In some ways, this is good and in some, bad – or so we are told by those who are supposedly “experts” in how to live life.

I’ve been thinking about time and the future some lately.  I don’t have any sort of social life – my choice so don’t feel bad for me – but as time goes by, I’m beginning to feel the need again for companionship.  I’m not looking for a boyfriend/man friend, whatever they are called for someone my age, but my co-workers who seem to think my social life(or lack thereof)is their business as wel as mine, seem to think I do.

Personally, I just want someone, or more than one since friends are more what I want, to do things with.  I want to share things with someone.  I want them to understand that my work schedule and my projects are very important and yet, I am willing to go do something on the spur of the moment if they just ask.  I’m tired of thinking about going to a movie or something and then not going because I don’t want to go alone.  If my son and his fiancee lived in town, I’d do things with them when our schedules work out.  That’s a way to avoid being social on most levels though, or so I’m told.

At the urging of my well meaning co-workers, I got on a dating site.  I put on there I’m just looking for friendship, not a relationship.  I don’t need that kind of thing – not at this point in my life.  I hate when it asks for pictures.  I don’t like having my picture taken, and I don’t like how people choose their potential friends and partners based on looks – something we are all guilty of, even me. Still, I forced myself to take a picture of myself and posted it too.  I have already received close to a dozen messages from male members of the site, and I’ve responded to several.

Does this make me happy?  It scares me to be honest.  Talking about myself has never been something I like to do.  I am very private.  I also don’t know what to say to sound interesting.  I am honest and blunt, and this can be off putting.  Do I pretend to be someone else just so someone will like me?  Not a chance in hell.  You either like me as I am or you can step off.  I’ve worked too hard to become who I am today, and I’m not changing or pretending for anyone.  I guess that’s why this attempt is scary.  I’m afraid the men I’ll be talking to and eventually, meeting, will be frauds despite what they say about honesty.  I’ve made a fool of myself too many times to feel comfortable with my own decision making where it comes to the opposite sex.

Still, I’m moving forward with this thing, as much as my job will allow.  Speaking of which, I am supposed to finally take my test to get promoted to Trainer – if I pass.  The manager wasn’t giving it to me before because there were no spots open for me to get promoted to.  Now, there are.  Wish me luck.

See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver! Impala!!

Decisions, Decisions

We make them all the time.  Sometimes, they end up making things better for you.  Sometimes, they make things worse for you.  Sometimes, you just want to tear your hair out in frustruation because no matter what you decide, nothing seems to work out the way you want it to.

I have had this happen to me in lots of ways.  In the creation of Vice, my hero(?) in Golden Knave, I made decisions about him that ended with me hitting the brick wall of writer’s block not just once, but several times!  Recently, it was decision to sell some of my work on Etsy – again.  The first time I tried, it didn’t work out and ended in frustruation. This time, years later, the same thing happened.  So, I’m done with that avenue.  I am donating my work from now on, and I’ll make things for people if they ask.  Otherwise, I just want to beat my head against the wall in frustruation.

I’ve made some good decisions too.  My finances are improving thanks to some recent decisions and now, I don’t feel a desperate need to get promoted at a workplace I don’t really enjoy any longer.  I can survive decently on what I’m making right now as a lowly salary worker while I wait for my writing to get published.

All in all, decisions are made almost every second of our lives, and for the good or the bad, we have to deal with the consequences of those decisions.

Right this second, I’m deciding to end this post and go to be because I have to work tonight, and I can’t go in tired because it’s Friday night – one of the busiest nights of my schedule.

See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdrivers!!!

Personal Update – June 5, 2018

Public: Hello there! Nice to see you so soon after your last post!

Me: Hi!  Yep, I’m scheduling more time for blogging, but I’m not going to do it every day like I was because it becomes too much like a chore and isn’t much fun.

Public: We fully understand.  So, what’s new?

Me: I took down my Etsy store – I hated the name was the main reason.  I’ll open another one when I’ve had some time to really do some research.  I can’t afford to put money into something that isn’t going to do much.

Public: We don’t think anyone does. Are you still making things for charity?

Me: Oh yes!  I’ve just sent off a bag full of  hats, nearly finished a lapghan, and I’m getting ready to make more squares for two granny lapghans I’m working on.

Public: Have you heard back about The Inbetween yet?

Me: No, but the submission said I’d hear back by the end of June so, still waiting.  I’ve scheduled time to work on Mr. Nobody so I can get it on Wattpad by the end of the month.  I’ve decided not to make it into a full novel because the story just won’t gel for me.

Public: At least you’ll be writing again.

Me: Very true.  I’m also making time for reading, and I’m about to start on Jeffrey Deaver’s Solitude Creek.

Public: Sounds interesting.

Me: I hope it is.  Well, I’ve got to go, I’ve got to work tonight so I need to get some sleep.

Catch you all on the flipside and don’t forget your towels and sonic screwdrivers!!

What’s Happening Now

In my little world, not much is happening.  Across the street from the motel where I live, the Kentucky Fried Chicken has been renovated and is almost ready to reopen.  Graduation at the local high school happened last week, and I was on duty that night at work – it was a major night for the business.

Other than that? Not much.  I did close my Etsy store because I was unhappy with the service I wasn’t getting from Etsy itself on some things that were going on with the store. I know it’s not a big deal, but I thought I’d mention that.  I’m shoppping around for other places to park my shop.

I took a test at work that’s supposed to help me get promoted, but I’m not holding my breath until that happens – I’d die first.  Still, I’ve taken the test which I’m sure I passed – just need to wait for the boss to get back to me on it.

My son, Joe, is engaged to his lovely girlfriend, Macy, and they’re getting married some time next year.  No time has been decided upon just yet.  It’s going to be a Handfasting Ceremony 🙂

The annoying bird outside my door that has been voicing the same annoying sound since close to the end of winter is now making a softer sound and being answered by high pitched trills I can only imagine are babies.  The bird and its mate made a nest in one of the light fixtures close to my front door so I’ve had to listen to this bird for months now.  I never got mad at it because I figured it had a reason for the sound, and I was right.

That’s it for my random post.  What’s happening in your little world?  This inquiring mind would like to know – seriously.

See you all on the flipside and don’t forget your towels and sonic screwdrivers. A shotgun with salt filled shells wouldn’t hurt either come to think of it. 🙂

Walking Home From Work…

Walking home from work this morning, I felt like I was on the set of a 1930s style movie set.  I know the scenery isn’t from the 30s, but it was the feeling.  I’ve seen Singing in the Rain numerous times, and this morning brought it to mind.

The streets were empty – it was 4:45 am on a Saturday after all.  There was a light rain falling – not enough to make me get a ride home, and I only live 300 steps away from the motel room where I’m staying.  Early birds were chirping, unseen, in the bushes and trees.  I kept expecting either a man in a suit to start singing or a masked axe weilding psycho to show up. 🙂

Yeah, I know, I’m weird.  I’ve seen a wide variety of movies in my 48 years of life, and some of them tend to mix in my imagination. What can I say – it’s a gift. 🙂

I’ll leave you with that little bit of weirdness and get on with the rest of what I need to do before bed.

See you on the flipside and don’t forger your towel and your sonic screwdriver!!

A Book Review

Well it was what I had planned on writing for this posting but then, when I sat down to write about a book I’d finally found time to finish, I went blank.

I actually have had very little sleep today since I had to stay up after work this morning to go run errands until almost noon.  Then, I had issues going to sleep – the world outside my door and window is very loud at times – so there was that.  I got maybe five hours of sleep which is supposed to be great.  Me, however, I take a medication for my medical condition which zonks me out, once I get fully asleep and waking up is almost as hard as going to sleep.  I know, cry me a river why don’t you.

Still, I’m going to say a few words about the book and later, I may do a full blown review – I haven’t decided yet.  Here it goes:

Blue Labyrinth by Preston and Child is a good book.  I have read them before, but I didn’t like their main “good guy” Aloysius Pendergast.  He’s grown on me since reading this book so I’m going to go back and read the beginning book – when I can find it.  I recommend it for those of you who like a good “what the hell is going on” book.

As always, don’t take my word for it.  Read the book yourself.  Following someone blindly will only get you run into a wall, or worse.  I merely give you my own honest opinion about something, and it’s up to you to listen or not.

So, it’s that time again.  I need to get ready for work soon.  I’ll see you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver.

Hi There!

No, I didn’t forget to check myself and ended up wrecking myself. Nor did I fall off the edge of the world like some clueless Flat Earthers believe.

What happened is, since I was last here, I’ve been busy working two jobs – my job at the fast food joint and my job with my Etsy shop.  I’ve had a couple of big projects for the Etsy shop which have been completed so I have more free time – Free Time? What is this Free Time you speak of? 😀

I am now working on my time management skills so I get do what I need to do and still have time to do it all.  I tend to keep my days full because I suffer from ADD and from Depression.  If I don’t stay busy, first I get bored and fidgety, then I get depressed – it’s not a pretty sight I assure you.

Still, I’m getting back into the swing of things – even found some time to do some writing – besides blogging that is.

I’ll most likely be blogging right after I get home from work, like I’m doing now.  Please, be gentle with me since I’m not known for making sense when I’m worn out.  Still, I will do my best. 🙂

See you all on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver!!

Happy Holidays!!

Yes, holidays as in plural.

Today is Ostara.  It’s also Easter.  And it’s also April Fool’s Day.  So plural holidays. 🙂 Actually, I’m sure there are more that fall on this day or end on this day, but I am not that versed in the world’s religions so can’t do a full list.  My apologies for that.

Now, with a new month comes many new things!  New goals! New dreams! New hopes! New aspirations! New ideas!

For me, this new month allows me to reset and restart many of the things that have fallen by the wayside since I started work and lost control of my time management abilities. 🙂  This blog post is one of the many things I am resetting and restarting.

So, hello again!  I hope you’ll forgive my erratic posting of the past and will remain a follower as I get back into the routine of a daily post.  I have missed posting as I have so many things to share with you!  One of them is the review of Stephen King’s End of Watch which I am currently reading.  I should have it finished in time to review tomorrow evening. 🙂

Happy Holidays once again, I have to go get ready for work again. 🙂

See you on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver!

Kafka and More

I’ve almost finished reading the collection of short stories by Kafka.  I’ll do a quick overview of each one as soon as I’m done.  Writing complete reviews of each would rather spoil things for you, if I haven’t done so already with my other reviews.  Kafka is well worth a read because of the way he writes and not just what he writes.  I’m looking forward to reading at least one of his novels in the near future.

Working the mid shift I’m on at work has thrown my life out of whack.  I can’t really plan things like I could before.  I only have so much time before and after work to do things.  What makes things harder is that my back issues are getting worse since I started work.  I don’t lift heavy things but I do a lot of walking, bending over and other things which is causing me a lot of pain.  I have to force myself to work a full shift because by the time I’ve been there an hour my feet feel like I’ve been on them for days.  I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow to see about getting an appointment.  I need something done so I can keep working.

My filet crochet project of the peacock is nearing the end – only about 30 more rows to go – if I don’t decide to add panels to the side of it.  It is looking quite lovely, and I’ll be posting a picture of it when it’s done.

I messed around and missed the deadline for entering Mr. Nobody into the contest for FunDead Publications, but that’s okay because I’m going to turn the short story into a full length novel called The Demon’s Rules. 🙂

I joined Soldier’s Angels, a volunteer agency that links volunteers with soldiers and groups of soldiers here at home and abroad.  They have many teams doing things from writing letters to sending care packages to providing items for baby showers and other things as well.  All branches are served by this group, and I’m happy to be a part of the team.

I’m also loom knitting hats for cancer patients and veterans here in the States.  I’m only making one a day due to my schedule, but it’s still something.

So, I’m working, reading, writing, and crafting every day – very busy schedule. 🙂  How are things with you?

See you all on the flipside and don’t forget your towel and sonic screwdriver!